The Hole Hog FAQ
Is Hole Hog the oldest living band in rock and roll?
Is there an actual pig in the band?
What does the song “The Bad News Bears go to Japan,” really
mean?
and many, many more…
Is Hole Hog really the oldest living band in rock and roll?
The living rock and roll “entity” that has evolved into Hole Hog came into
existance in a marsh, near what is now Oxford England, in the year 12 BC. In
fact, most bands are not living entities at all, but corporate entities set
up by Martha Stewart’s Living Inc., heretofore known as the “shadow
government.” If another band can definitively prove that their band has a
“life force” and the said “life force,” came into existance before 12 BC,
then Hole Hog will end it’s use of the phrase “oldest living band,”
and change the motto to something equally catchy like, “Hoggin’ Holes
Since 12 BC.”
So there is an actual porkine creature in the band?
In so much as there are any actual members of Hole Hog, no. The Hole Hog
entity itself would be very offended by suggestions that it is a “porkine
creature,” like many entities of it’s age, it’s bloody sensitive about it’s
weight.
What is the relationship of the band Hole Hog to the mechanical “Hole
HogTM” product available at fine stores
everywhere?
The members of Hole Hog are proud owners and operators of a series of Hole
HogTM machines and often use them on their
regular weekend treasure hunting andfence mending retreats. The band Hole Hog has no relation to the fantastic
Hole HogTM machine, nor claims any tradmark
that may overlap.
I’m interested in “following” Hole Hog, how can I get a season franchise on
a “Hole Hog” rice and beans stand to finance my fanatical obsession?
Hole Hog Rice and Beans consessions are available directly from Martha
Stewart’s Living Inc., call her at home at 555-555-5666, or email
martha@living.tv.Those interested in a Rice and Beans internship, should also contact
Martha, if you know what I mean.
I heard there was some tension in the band following the dissolution of
Blue Numbers and the heart churning departure of Dave from Hole Hog, are
you guys OK?
Both Dave and Scott remain board members of the studio5.tv collective. The
traditionalTM Hole Hog mourning rituals are now
over, and Hole Hog hasregained it’s ability to live and love like normal
children.
Hole Hog has a lot of songs about food. Are any of you Taruses, like pop-stars
Salvador Dali, Weird Al Yancovic, Attorney General John Ashcroft or Chibo Mato?
Yes, Jim and Toby where both “born under the sign of the bull,” and would
sing about food morning noon and night if only society would accept such
things. Ironicly the Hole Hog entity is a Virgo, by modern astrological
reconing, but there is some question due to stellar drift since 12 BC. More
likely, Hole Hog IS a Taurus and Jim and Toby are actually Libras.
I’ve often wondered what the song “The Bad News Bears go to Japan,” really
means, will you tell me?
The very fact that you would ask such an idiotic question means you do not
currently “understand” the Hole Hog message, and probaby never will.
You guys don’t wear cowboy hats, do you?
The Hole Hog does not belive in hats, therefore the members of Hole Hog are
barred from any public display of headgear of any description, with hair
being the obvious exception. In a word, Hole Hog is a hair band.
What if I have a question for Hole Hog, where can I turn?
Send your questions and comments directly to the great hole hog entity:
- Go to a quiet part of your home, workplace, or favorite pub
- Close your eyes
- Clear your mind of thoughts
- Imagine yourself in communication with the Hole Hog entity
- Psychically send the Hole Hog your question
… or, if that doesn’t work post a comment on this site… maybe the HoleHog will read it?
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